China or Bust!

We leave on Tuesday for China!

I'm excited to meet our little girl in China. Adopting a two year old is so different than an infant. I'm worried about how her first day, weeks and month's will go as she transitions to our family. Wish me luck!

I haven't decided if I will blog in China or not. I don't think anyone is reading this blog anymore, so maybe not ;)

We will be traveling with my mother, 5 year old daughter and husband.

Changes

Birthday Sadness

This weekend is my daughter's birthday. She is very excited and we have a full weekend fun things to do as a family. But I continue to sit here in sadness.

You see it is 7am in Vietnam. Shortly I would expect her birth mother will be getting up and starting her day. Not many around her will be aware that this is the day she gave birth and prepared to say goodbye to her newly born daughter. I cannot help to wonder how those few days where in the hospital. I wonder if she knew she would be adopted by an American.

I wish that I could tell her all about our daughter and how wonderful she is. I wish I could show her how beautiful she is, how funny she is and how incredibly determined she is. If I could only share those things with her then I would have some hope that she can come to some sort of peace with her decision. But I find complete sadness that I cannot share these things with her.

My daughter is too young to understand these things, but at some point I would expect my daughter will also experience this sadness around her birthday.

waiting it out

Well, we are close to 3 years waiting it out again.. Hopefully we will know more on the future of Vietnam adoptions in the next few months. I the mean time we will hold tight.

Early Stages of Talking About Adoption

Before I become and adoptive parent I read books and blog posts about talking with your kids about adoption and challenges that lay ahead. Making sure my daughter has high self esteem always has been a big focus for me and how I wanted to approach parenting. I think if you have a good foundation as a person you can handle life's challenges better.

But I never thought about early years in my daughter life and how she would come to understand adoption, birth, etc.

At this point, my daughter is three. I don't think she fully grasps that she is different or even what birth means. I have to wonder when this light bulb will go off and she will know she isn't my biological child. She is very clingy to me and want to be very close to me, which is great. We have had a huge break through with bonding in the past year. But it is heart breaking to me for her to be sadden by this.

I guess I always thought of conversation we would have at seven or teenage years. But I never thought of these early years and how she came to our family. Just basic understanding of being adopted.

We have the adoption books and we celebrate family day and talk about her birth mom. But I don't think she gets it at this point.

Last night I was hit by a ton of bricks. We where reading a adoption book we made for her with pictures of our family and her adoption day. When she said to me:

"I don't want you to leave me" I said what do you mean, she proceeded

"I don't want to go live with those nannies in Vietnam" "I don't want you to leave me there"

At that moment I realize she doesn't understand that we had never been apart from each other. And she thought we left her at the orphanage. We talked long about her birth mom and how we went through the process of adopting her and would never leave her.

This was heartbreaking, and I'm still trying to figure it all out in my head. Obviously we need to work on this and take some new approaches to the subject. Being a parent is so hard, and being an adoptive parents brings additional challenges to the table. I knew we would face challenges, and hope I can find the right path to answer these questions for her.

Fall

Fall is here and we are getting plenty of rain here in the bay area. It's a nice reason to get out some of those warmer clothes that have been hiding in the closet.

Dinker do is riding a two wheel bike now, with training wheels of course. She is loving having kids in the neighborhood to play with. She has her pumpkin costume all picked out and is ready for pumpkin day.

We are still waiting it out for #2, really don't want to wait until 2011 or later for Vietnam to reopen but at this point feel it might be the best thing for our family. It really is sad that there are children waiting for families right now as we speak. Shame on the people who abused the system.

Princess

My daughter somehow knows who the Disney princess are. I don't really know how that happened since we don't really watch T.V. I guess she is picking this up from daycare. So now it's all about princesses.

I decided she could pick out a toy for herself at target. After looking at the toys I realize that target has only a few types of toys, baby toy, baby dolls, barbie and 'boy toys'. She went straight to the princesses. I keep having this internal guilt for buying her a Cinderella doll, even though that's the one she wanted. I kept asking if she wanted the snow white doll. After all snow white has brown hair not blond. But no, she wanted the Cinderella doll.

I don't feel quite right about this, it's pretty complex. I don't want to only push the ethnic dolls on her but buying a skinny white doll for my beautiful dark VN toddler seems wrong. I mean really, who is Cinderella. I surely have never met anyone like her! And don't get me starting on Barbie. Now they have different kinds of Barbie. But really they are the after thought not really Barbie. I think it's great but again, seems like an after thought.

So, how do I balance miss skinny and ethnic dolls? Not sure I have figured this out and in the end she might only want the miss skinny anyway, which makes me sad.

Potty Visits

We now have a new favorite pass time, visiting the potty. Our daughter isn't doing anything on the potty, but likes to spend time going to and from the potty. I have spent about five times as much time in the bathroom as I normally do. I think we are getting closer since she asks to go and isn't scared of the potty anymore. Any parents out there have some experience with them actually going on the potty?

parenting

I want to try to get in the habit of posting again, life is so busy but I have found in the past writing is away to slow down and make sense of it all!

So, here it goes.

dinker do is 2 1/5 now, and changing so much. She is a little person. She is so funny and full of laughter and smiles.

I had no idea that being a parent was so hard, I know silly. I thought we would just need to provide loads of love that would some how solve everything. Boy was I wrong. Somehow being a parent seems so straight forward when you aren't one.

We have been having some power struggle, tantrums, and potty issues with are dear sweet daughter. I came to the conclusion that we are still treating her like a baby even thou so is not. This came about after a long conversation with my husband on why things are going badly. I have been trying to think of more and more things for her to do on her own. I think it helps her feel in more empowered. I'm going to stop doing so much for her. Again back to the baby thing, we are doing everything for her.

Yesterday was a horrible day, at pickup she proceeded to have a huge fit, screaming, crying, on the floor you name it, she did it. I picked her up walked to the car and listen to her scream the whole way home. She is persistent. I have to be honest, it's embarrassing. I know I shouldn't be embarrassed. But I feel like I'm being judged as a mom every time she has a super huge meltdown. It's frustrating.

amazon

We do all our shopping on Amazon, and recently got Amazon Prime. WE love it! Everything we order comes to the door in two days no matter the price of the item. I get great deals on stride rite shoes, groceries, etc. This weekend I got 3 pairs of stride rite shoes for 14.99 each!

I saw they are offering a free trial for amazon prime for a few days, check it out!

little shoes

Last night after my daughter went to bed I was downstairs picking up and I saw my shoes on the floor and then to the right of them two little white shoes. I found myself smiling, it's these little reminders that make me slow down and realize how lucky I am to have such a perfect little being in my life.

I have never been an especially lucky person, but I truly do believe I'm blessed to have her in my life. I'm not a religious person at all, but I don't know another word that encompasses the feeling I have for her.

Closer #2

Last time we waiting over three years for Vietnam to reopen and get our referral, but at the end of that long tunnel was a bright shinning star, our daughter. The wait wasn't easy and didn't go away when we saw our daughter for the first time. But each and every day with her is that much sweeter and cannot believe how lucky I have become.

Today we would like a sibling for our daughter, but again Vietnam is closing it's doors to us, the question is for how long this time. Since we have been through this before I know that it can be a long road.

So here I stand in front of another long tunnel, should we stay the course, only time will tell.

A Child's Right Campaign

Please do not forget to email your letter of support for the JCICS "A Child's Right Campaign" to Advocate@JCICS.org. You must send your email by tomorrow, May 30, 2008 to be included in the petition to Congress. Visit JCICS's web site for full information at http://www.jcics.org/Vietnam.htm.

Snow Bunny

We had some snow yesterday so we got all dressed in our snow pants and jackets went outside in hope of playing in the snow and making snow angels. Well our little toddler had other plans and wasn't a fan of the snow. But she looks so cute all marshmallow like in her gear. :)

This weekend we watched 'Heaven & Earth' a move about the Vietnam war. The movie wasn't bad, but we have watched a lot of depressing movies about Vietnam and wish there where some more uplifting movies about Vietnam. If you know of any *Please!* leave a comment. I worry that as our daughter gets older she will feel that same. I anticipate that will be a challenging subject. But hope we can expose her to a lot of positives too.

I really hope adoptions from Vietnam can move forward in a positive light and the two governments will progress in there efforts. We would really like to adopt from Vietnam again but are keeping our eyes open at our options. I'm a little leary of what our adoption agency is saying because when we got caught in the closer last time they said it would only be close a few months, and we all know what happened then. I hope things will be different this time.

January 8th, 2008

Christmas was amazing! We waited so long for our first Christmas, it was very special. She got a big girl play kitchen, which she loves, she has been "cooking" up things ever since. Yesterday I looked over just as she tried to give her dolly a drink :)

We are going to be flying for the first time since we have been home, we are going to Dallas to visit family. We aren't too excited about trying to keep a 17 month old entertained for the whole 4 hour flight. We make a mistake and didn't get her a seat, but I'm crossing my fingers that they can find us a extra seat for her. That should be fun (not!)

2 month review!

I know I haven't posted in awhile. I have been actually contemplating what to do with this blog and where or not to make it private. I have decided (i think) to leave it public. There has been a lot of negativity in blogland in the last few months but I think it's important to remember why we want to adopt and why we wait.

Adoption is very special to us and if I can in any way help to give someone a glimpse into the happiness it has brought our family then I'll be happy. There is a lot of information on the internet about adopting ethically from Vietnam, so I won't give advice on that. But what I can tell you about is our special little girl.

So, the past two months. Wow, how things change in that little bit of time. Babycakes is 16mns now, just tipping the scale at 20lbs and talking up a storm. She is doing excellent at daycare and really enjoys her time there. She knows a few friends names, and tries to say her own name. She is also becoming more demanding, actually 'more' is one of her favorite words and lately 'no', oh boy. You cannot eat bread in front of her or she freaks out and wants all of it. My husband says just like mommy. Not sure what that means... :)

Other news, we did get 'on the list' for #2! Yes, we are very excited but our agency has a 2+ year wait, which we planned for.

Six Month Post Placement

We had our six month post placement visit this week. It feels like our little girl has been home for a lot longer than six months! One more post placement visit at 12months and we can move onto writing the reports ourselves, that will be nice.

We went to our agencies picnic, the weather was pretty bad so not many people showed up. Next year I hope they have it a little earlier in the year so all the families can enjoy the weather more.

Here's some things she has been up to:
-walking!
-trying to run (we aren't thrilled about that)
-recognizing more and more words
-says ditty (for kitty)
-snuggling
-switched daycares and started the toddler room at new daycare

Cannot think of anything else, but I'm sure I missed something. I guess summer is officially over, bummer!!!

Parenting Babycakes

Babycakes is doing so good, she amazes everyone around her with how well she is adjusting to new situations and milestones. She celebrated her 1 year birthday last month, cake and all. She loved it! She is also now walking! She loves to walk laps around the couch, too funny! She runs the household and is the center of attention, as she deserves.

I have now been a parent for 6 months. I have learned a lot! and learn something new everyday. Mostly I have learned to relax, trust myself and realize anything we are going through will change and focus on giving love and encouragement to our little girl.

It Happened

well folks, I'm happy to inform you my daughter is sleeping through the night! WHEW, it was like a light switch one night, she wasn't and the next she was. It has been about a week now. We are enjoying the extra sleep.

S. is doing ok at daycare, she still has down days but for the most part has adjusted.

She now only wants finger food, none of that baby food stuff. But she will eat it at daycare, odd. She has been basically eat what we have. She loves meat, children, fish sticks, turkey, ham you name it she will eat it. She has also started the lovely, throwing food overboard onto the floor, don't you love that one.

S. doesn't like wearing shoe's we are trying to get her use to them for when she starts walking. She whines and fusses when you place her on the floor wearing shoes. oh the hardships of a 11 month old.

July

Daycare continues to go ok, not great but not horrible. I'm really sad to leave her in the morning, but think it's good for her to be around other kids and good for mommy to continue her career. The end of the day has such a ray of sunshine when I get to get in my car and go get her!

S. is now 11 month's old! I cannot hardly believe that. She is such a sweetie pie, I'm truly in love with this girl.

I need your help, please! S. is 11 months and not sleeping through the night. She gets up for a bottle around 3:45am each and every night. Is this something to be concerned about? Any tricks to get her to sleep through the night? tired tired mommy